


Just Once

by sardonicat



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: 2/2, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bittersweet, Love Confessions, M/M, Self-Indulgent, a little bit, wouldn't even consider it an au it's just what happened in my heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:41:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25593712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sardonicat/pseuds/sardonicat
Summary: “Why me?” Akechi asked. “Why am I the one person who’s somehow better off in Maruki’s reality to you? After spending all this effort convincing each and every one of your friends that the true reality is worth fighting for - even after seeing how happy it made them -  why am I the one thing you’re willing to throw all that away for?”Ren couldn’t help but let out a short, breathy laugh. “Aren’t you supposed to be the detective here? You know why.”so basically... I rewrote That scene on 2/2 to make it as self-indulgent as possible and make the subtext into text. do with that what you will
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist, Shuake - Relationship
Comments: 10
Kudos: 175





	Just Once

**Author's Note:**

> okay so please go easy on me with this one, this was my first time finishing a piece in over a year and it's also my first time writing these characters. I have plenty of plans for future p5/p5r writing though so hopefully it only goes up from here! enjoy ^.^

**2/2 Thursday, Evening**

A cold silence flooded Leblanc as the jingling of the doorbell faded behind Morgana. Ren didn’t want to be the one to break it, but it didn’t seem Akechi did either. They each stared in the general direction of one another, making no eye contact. Ren’s throat began to tighten as he thought of looking into his eyes again, trying as he always had to pull something, any clue of what was really going on inside his head from them, but no doubt he’d come up empty for the billionth time.

Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore, he stood up from the booth and stepped closer to Akechi, close enough to faintly catch a whisper of his cologne. The scent always made him dizzy, but in a pleasant, familiar sort of way, like the drifting tangle of thoughts on his mind just before he fell asleep. “You weren’t going to tell me?” He asked, still not meeting Akechi’s eyes.

“Of course not. I know you, you would’ve gotten hung up on it and taken far too long trying to find a way around it. But there isn’t one. You know that, I know that, Maruki sure as hell knows that. Why else would he have gotten me involved?” The venom in his voice stung, deeper than any of the biting words Akechi had thrown at him before. “...I will carve my own path for myself. I refuse to accept a reality concocted by someone else, stuck under their control for the rest of my days.”

“You can’t be serious.” Ren stepped back and finally looked up enough to see Akechi’s cold stare fixed directly on him. “You’ll be dead. What kind of path is that?”

“And what kind of life is one I didn’t get to choose for myself? I’ve made my peace with it, and so should you.” Akechi spat. “Are you really so spineless that you’d fold over some bullshit, trivial threat on my life?”

The grief burned into a white hot anger in Ren’s chest. “It’s not trivial! It’s all about your choice to you, well what about my choice? I can’t just choose to let you die. How the hell could I keep going knowing I allowed that to happen? You can’t ask me to do that.”

“Ren…” Akechi softened for just a moment, and he realized somewhere along the way he’d started crying. Hot tears dripped from his chin, and for once Akechi wasn’t looking straight back. “I _am_ asking that. I have to. The entire world is counting on you to make the right choice here. For all you speak of justice, to ignore that would be the most selfish thing you could do.”

Ren opened his mouth to reply, but it snapped shut - almost on its own - as Akechi stepped in closer and Ren found a gloved hand resting beneath his jaw, Akechi’s thumb brushing ever so softly across the skin of his cheek, clearing off his tears. Then just as quickly as that bit of warmth appeared, Akechi withdrew his hand and crossed his arms, leaning against the counter.

“Why me?” Akechi asked. “Why am I the one person who’s somehow better off in Maruki’s reality to you? After spending all this effort convincing each and every one of your friends that the true reality is worth fighting for - even after seeing how happy it made them - why am I the one thing you’re willing to throw all that away for?”

Ren couldn’t help but let out a short, breathy laugh. “Aren’t you supposed to be the detective here? You know why.” He tried his best to look confident - or at least collected - but inside his heart was racing, threatening to burst out of his chest. Whatever it was about Akechi, he’d never had a problem letting him in before, more so than anyone he’d met since coming to Tokyo. But this… this was the one exception. He’d never come so close to saying it out loud before, not to anyone and especially not him… but Akechi knew anyway. Maybe that’s why he was so willing to tell him everything else - because Ren knew that he would find out whatever he wanted to know, no matter what he did. He had a way of reading him that Ren had never seen before.

“Is that right?” Akechi smirked in a way that seeped into his voice, adding a drop of his signature smooth confidence. It was comforting, like Ren could pretend they were back to the days when his regard for Akechi was nothing more than a rivalry, if only for just a second. “Of course I do. Maybe I just want to hear you say it. Humor me?”

Despite Akechi’s teasing, almost playful tone, grief still hung heavy in the air. In any other situation Ren could let himself get lost in the fluttering in his chest but instead the moment was poisoned with the dread pounding in his head and all he wanted to do was run away. He’d faced hundreds of shadows, maybe even thousands, and a god itself, but when it came to his feelings for Akechi - the thought of going through with it only to lose him for good - that’s where his nerves failed him.

“I don’t think I can.” Ren said.

Without warning, Akechi shoved him - not aggressively, but forcefully enough that Ren couldn’t (more accurately, wouldn’t) fight it. In a moment he found himself pinned against the counter of Leblanc, the edge digging into his lower back, with Akechi’s face mere inches from his. Ren tried to keep his breath as soft and controlled as he could while he registered the situation, his hands scrambling for purchase against the countertop. One of Akechi’s arms was tucked under Ren’s, bracing himself against the counter while holding him captive. Ren couldn’t get away if he wanted to.

“You can. You’ve fought me within an inch of my life before, what more does it take to just be honest with me?” Akechi said. His face was stone and he didn’t break eye contact for even a moment. “I need to hear it from you, just give me that - not your pity or some last grasp at showing me mercy. Your true feelings.”

“Is that what you think this is?” Ren’s voice was shaking - with nerves? fear? He didn’t know. “You really think I just want you to live because I pity you?” His breath was caught in his throat, but finally he steeled himself and let it go slowly. There was no other way out of it. No matter what happened, this was his last chance to lay all his cards on the table. “Akechi, I love you.”

Ren didn’t get the chance to say anything more as Akechi’s lips instantly connected with his. The hand that had been holding him against the counter closed in to rest softly on the curve of his back, while Akechi’s other hand found the side of his face, brushing slow circles along his cheekbone. Ren had to pull back for a second until the room stopped spinning, and Akechi froze.

They both sat there, just breathing and staring wide-eyed at one another. Ren raised a hand to push the hair gently out of Akechi’s face, then took his turn to initiate, pulling Akechi’s body as close to his as he possibly could, but never quite managing to get close enough. He let his fingers trail aimlessly through Akechi’s hair as they kissed, and sparks danced across Ren’s skin wherever their bodies touched. It made him feel more powerful than he ever had, even in the Metaverse.

All those months filled with tides of tension between them, watching each others’ every move, fighting and giving in to both Akechi and that certain undeniable _something_ which always kept them tethered… He’d finally managed to unmask it, once and for all. He wasn’t crazy, and he wasn’t alone in thinking it was something special, this secret they’d shared in all but the most explicit of words was real, and he was exactly where he was meant to be.

With the taste of Akechi on his lips and his scent flooding Ren’s system, for those few minutes of bliss he let himself forget… until Akechi finally broke the kiss. “I need you to know that this can’t change anything,” Akechi murmured, Ren still wrapped in his arms as if he’d be the one to disappear if he let go. “But… I love you too, Ren. If I didn’t make that clear.” He offered the smallest of bittersweet smiles and one last brief kiss.

“Please,” was all Ren managed to say before the tears began to fall again, faster this time.

Akechi furrowed his brow. “You know the right thing to do. I admit I’d sacrifice a lot to stay by your side… probably too much. But it would mean nothing in Maruki’s reality, knowing I was just a bargaining chip to be used against you.”

Ren was silent. Every piece of his heart fought against it, but no matter how much it killed him to admit it, Akechi was right. All the evidence that Maruki’s heart still needed to change was right here in the fading light of Leblanc. He claimed to be erasing pain from the world, easing everyone’s lives through his cognition, but in doing so had used his feelings for Akechi - his life even - as a weapon. There was no benevolence in that, no justice. To accept it would be a slap in the face to everything they’d fought for. “I know… we’re stopping Maruki.” Ren grit his teeth to fight back the sob that was building in his chest.

“Alright. I’m relieved to hear it.” Akechi said, carding a hand through Ren’s hair until his palm landed on Ren’s cheek. “Let’s go back to our true reality.”

With that, Akechi pulled his face in yet again, and Ren wondered how he’d managed to get addicted to the feeling of kissing him so quickly. His fingers curled tightly in Akechi’s hair as he held his face closer, kissed him harder, trying desperately to memorize the way their lips moved together. He refused to let go until he was certain he would be able draw the exact feeling up for as long as he lived.

When they finally pulled apart, Ren’s stomach dropped as he realized that Akechi’s face was reddened and stained with tears as well. In all the hours they’d spent together, this was something he’d never seen before. Try as he might, he couldn’t find the right words to comfort him, or maybe there just weren’t any, so Ren settled for letting his hand drift down Akechi’s face, falling on his jawline. Akechi leaned in, closing his eyes and giving in to the warmth.

Akechi let out a trembling sigh, and looked Ren in the eyes. For the first time, he could read the raw emotion that he’d always managed to hide - the regret, the longing, but above all… peace. “If it’s not too much to ask…” Akechi whispered, “May I stay with you tonight?” Ren was already opening his mouth to agree but Akechi wasn’t finished. “I… well. If this is all the time I have left, I want to spend the rest of it with you.”

Ren pressed his forehead to Akechi’s and nodded softly. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

* * *

**2/3 Friday, Evening**

His arms were screaming for relief, pushed to the brink supporting both Maruki’s weight and his own beneath the helicopter, but Ren held fast. Neither one spoke as the world glittered around them, Maruki’s palace and his reality as they knew it crumbling to almost microscopic fragments of glass, floating around them like stardust.

This was it, they’d finally won. But… Ren slowly raised his head, his stomach churning with dread at the thought of all he was about to lose, until his eyes locked with Akechi’s. He’d have taken a million more hits from Maruki and his warped persona just to climb up and touch him one more time, but their time had run out. This world was already fading into darkness, Akechi’s mask shattering into shards of harsh blue light as Morgana continued to climb above the chaos.

Ren ached to cry out, to make sure Akechi would know exactly how he felt before he was gone, but no words could be good enough. He simply stared - and Akechi smiled. Until now, he’d always looked somewhat smug when he smiled, like he was a child confident in the fact that he’d just gotten away with something. But for once there was nothing hidden behind it, nothing sinister, just a tranquil contentment, contagious enough that Ren’s heart swelled in his chest and he couldn’t help but return it.

He kept his gaze locked on that smile, burning it deep into his memory, until everything around him went black.

* * *

**3/17 Friday, Early Morning**

The sun filtered through the attic window, falling on Akechi’s hair and turning it almost golden with the morning. In the close quarters of the futon, there wasn’t much that Ren could do but stare and wait for him to wake up - not that he wanted anything else. Something about seeing Akechi like this - guard completely down, wearing Ren’s worn-out t-shirt rather than his usual clean-cut look - made him all the more attractive to Ren. To think he’d ever tried to deny that felt like heresy.

He was almost beginning to drift back off, the cool morning air and Akechi’s deep breathing making his eyelids heavy again, when he finally began to stir beside him. As soon as Akechi’s eyes opened, he looked at Ren and pulled him in closer to his chest, giving him a quick kiss, morning breath be damned. Ren felt himself melting into him, tucking his face into Akechi’s neck to drink in as much of his scent as he could, stealing a kiss over the mark he’d left the night before while he was at it. Akechi made a small noise of contentment in response.

“Alright, alright… it’s almost time for us to go, you know that.” Akechi laughed softly, but Ren pulled back to see pain in his eyes.

“Already?” Ren whined, feeling his voice climb in pitch to an almost panicked level.

Akechi brought a hand to Ren’s cheek and offered him a sad smile. “I know you’ll be alright.”

As Akechi spoke, the room began to blur and fade, his voice drifting off along with everything else. Ren already felt himself sobbing as he opened his eyes to the real world, where his room was dark and he was alone save for Morgana sleeping at the foot of the bed.

He clutched tightly at the blankets where he’d felt Akechi had been just moments ago - though in reality it had been more than a month since that near-perfect morning - squeezing them against his chest in tightly curled fists as if maybe he could go back if he just held them tight enough. As usual, nothing.

Ren tried hard to contain his sobs, but could do nothing about the way it made him shake so hard the entire bed trembled, inevitably waking Morgana up. He raised his little black head, almost invisible through the dark, and blinked wide blue eyes slowly at Ren. “Hey, you okay?”

Ren shook his head and scrubbed the tears from his eyes with the heel of his hand. “That dream again?” Morgana asked. Ren nodded.

Morgana stretched and tiptoed up closer to Ren’s face, flopping down in front of his chest and purring to help calm him down. “You made the right choice, y’know.” He said, flipping onto his back so he could look Ren in the eye. “He was really, really proud of you. You did everything you could for him.”

Finally his breaths were starting to smooth out, and the tears slowed to leave that familiar tightness on his skin where they dried. “You think he was happy?” Ren asked. Morgana had already drifted back off, but that was okay. Ren closed his eyes and let his mind drift to dreamlike images of that night they’d spent together, the way Akechi’s voice softened when he told Ren he loved him, and that brilliant smile on his face just before their reality reset. Despite all that had happened since, he had his answer.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! I'm gonna be honest I mainly did this one for myself and it's kind of a mess but kudos and comments are greatly appreciated, if you feel so inclined <3 if you'd like to see more of my writing, let me know! you can also check me out on tumblr @kristen-applebees if you want more memes and other persona content. thanks again!


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